wolfeyes555 asked: Not really one for slut scout (sorry ><) but if you could write some fluffy Magic Missiles that'd be great
(Don’t be sorry! This isn’t a slut scout only thing! I just wanted to encourage it ‘cause I never have any ideas, lol.)
"What in all nine hells are you doing?" Merasmus asked, peeking inside the bathroom to see his lover bent over the claw-foot tub, shirt missing and a thudding, chittering, furious commotion coming from inside the porcelain vessel.
"Lieutenant Bites got into some of your stuff, so I’m trying to give him a bath," Soldier explained, smiling up to the wizard.
The raccoon made his move. Slipping out of the mercenary’s grasp in his moment of distraction, Lieutenant Bites clawed his way up Soldier’s arms and chest, climbing up to his shoulder to scrabble angrily at his helmet before leaping off and darting between Merasmus’ legs, trailing technicolour water drops behind him. The poor rodent itself was a garish mix of colours, like his fur had been tye-dyed and then glitter-bombed, a few patches of grey beginning to show through again where Soldier had been able to scrub at him.
Merasmus turned to watch the raccoon disappear out down the hallway and careen through the castle, a concerned half-smirk tugging at his lip. It was funny, he had to admit, though he knew he’d have to clean up the mess. Turning back to Soldier, who sucked idly at his bleeding hand, he sighed. “What did I say about letting him near my reagents?”
"Don’t let him near your reagents."
"Then what happened."
"I let him near your reagents."
"I can’t disobey a commanding officer, Merasmus!" Soldier pleaded, tugging his helmet from his head to give his lover his best puppy eyes.
Merasmus sighed. “For the last time, in this castle, I outrank that raccoon! Now come on, let’s get you patched up and go find him before he stains everything we own.”
"Will you kiss me and make me better?"
"Only if you’re good."